I am an Army veteran, my ex-husband is an officer. Why is it ok for him to constantly treat me poorly, use my daughter as a pawn, and then laugh and say you can't do anything about it because I'm in the military. He forced me to stay in the IRR when I was pregnant because he didn't want to get in trouble since he was an officer and I was enlisted. The last 8 years has been a huge battle with me seeing my daughter or having my daughter.
The divorce court is the only arena where the issues you cite can be sorted out. Once we're in front of the magistrate, we're all E-1s and equally liable to the court. If you don't take this to the courts, all you can accomplish is talk. Good luck.